


Day 27: Have You Ever

by BlackBeautyQueen33



Series: 365 Fanfic [25]
Category: Supernatural
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-17
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-03-20 10:33:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13715832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackBeautyQueen33/pseuds/BlackBeautyQueen33
Summary: Sam wishes he could tell Dean how much he loved him





	Day 27: Have You Ever

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JoeyWinchester](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoeyWinchester/gifts).



> The title and the lyrics in the story are to Brandy's song "Have You Ever"

** Day 27: Have You Ever **

**_Have you ever loved somebody so much_ **

**_It makes you cry_ **

**_Have you ever needed something so bad_ **

**_You can't sleep at night_ **

**_Have you ever tried to find the words_ **

**_But they don't come out right_ **

**_Have you ever, have you ever_ **

Sam sat at the window watching Dean outside sparring with his father. Sam was supposed to be working on his Latin, but instead, like always he was watching Dean. Every day, he would watch Dean spar with their father. Every day, Sam would wish he could tell Dean how he felt. Every day he would watch Dean, as he came in all sweaty and swallow the lust he felt. For a thirteen-year-old boy, he had so much lust. And he knew, should he tell Dean, he’d grin and tell him it was time for him to pick up girls. Sam didn’t want girls. He wanted Dean.

**_Have you ever been in love_ **

**_Been in love so bad_ **

**_You'd do anything to make them understand_ **

**_Have you ever had someone steal your heart away_ **

**_You'd give anything to make them feel the same_ **

**_Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart_ **

**_But you don't know what to say_ **

**_And you don't know where to start_ **

Sam didn’t know when this…feeling of being in love with his brother came from. He just knew he loved him. But loved him more than just a brother. He wanted Dean to be his in every sense of the word. All he wanted was to tell Dean and maybe see if he felt the same? But, how could he? He knew that if he said anything Dean would not only laugh at him, he’d hate him forever.

**_Have you ever loved somebody so much_ **

**_It makes you cry_ **

**_Have you ever needed something so bad_ **

**_You can't sleep at night_ **

**_Have you ever tried to find the words_ **

**_But they don't come out right_ **

**_Have you ever, have you ever_ **

So, Sam resorted himself to just staring when Dean wasn’t aware or wasn’t looking. It hurt so much being so close to his brother and not being able to touch him in the way that he wanted. It hurt so much that he would sometimes cry. When he was in the shower, at night in his bed, anytime he was really alone, he would cry. Every time he would stop crying, he would tell himself he wouldn’t cry anymore. He would get over it, but he never did. How can one get over loving someone?

**_Have you ever found the one_ **

**_You've dreamed of all of your life_ **

**_Just about anything to look into their eyes_ **

**_Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to_ **

**_Only to find that one won't give their heart to you_ **

**_Have you ever closed your eyes and_ **

**_Dreamed that they were there_ **

**_And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care_ **

Each year that went by it was harder and harder to hold it in. There were times that Dean caught Sam looking with love in his eyes and he would look at Sam strangely. Every night he would tell Dean “I love you.” And mean it with his whole heart. When Dean would reply with “I love you too Sammy” his heart would break. He knew that Dean didn’t love him in the way that he loved Dean. And it hurt. Sam knew that he couldn’t blame Dean. It wasn’t his fault, but still it hurt.

**_Have you ever loved somebody so much_ **

**_It makes you cry_ **

**_Have you ever needed something so bad_ **

**_You can't sleep at night_ **

**_Have you ever tried to find the words_ **

**_But they don't come out right_ **

**_Have you ever, have you ever_ **

Sam knew what he had to do but he was afraid. He was afraid of losing the one person that mattered the most to him. So instead of doing what he knew he should do and tell Dean how he felt, he decided to push his feelings down. To ignore how he felt. He felt that if he did that, then he would be okay, and it wouldn’t be so hard to be around his big brother.

**_What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby_ **

**_What do I gotta say to get your heart_ **

**_To make you understand how I need you next to me_ **

**_Gotta get you in my world_ **

**_Cause baby I can't sleep_ **

Even pushing his feelings down had started to become hard. So, he decided to try to tell Dean. But, each and every time he would get ready to tell Dean how he felt, he would chicken out. Dean would tell him about the night he had with some girl and he would chicken out. Dean was much better off with some girl than a lovesick teenage little brother.

**_Have you ever loved somebody so much_ **

**_It makes you cry_ **

**_Have you ever needed something so bad_ **

**_You can't sleep at night_ **

**_Have you ever tried to find the words_ **

**_But they don't come out right_ **

**_Have you ever, have you ever_ **

Sam packed his bag and looked over one last time at his sleeping brother. He didn’t want to leave, but this was the only way. The only way to end the pain.


End file.
